Here we go again!

Today was a hard day. I found out that this round of treatment didn't work, and that in itself made my day go from good to bad in a matter of seconds, but then I remembered that I am going to have to do the whole process over again and honestly it just makes me sad and a bit anxious.

I know it was naïve to go into this treatment thinking it would work right away, and to be honest I think I knew it wouldn't work this fast but after going through all the ultrasounds, blood work and appointments I was hoping that by some miracle I wouldn't have to do it all over again. But here I am about to start this whole process over again. So far I know that there is nothing physically wrong with my reproductive organs, so that rules them out as to why I can't seem to get pregnant. So it must be hormonal I guess, but until I have my meeting with the doctor next week, I wont know exactly what the issue is. And for me that is extremely frustrating.

Right now my next cycle has started on its own, which is a great sign, and to me that is hopeful. But I still have the nervousness that maybe something else is wrong. That maybe I will have to go through this process again and again. And that future is not something I am looking forward to. But I want a child so bad that I will do pretty much anything necessary to get one, and if it means going through months of poking and prodding then I guess that is what I will have to do. I just hope my sanity stays intact.

Until next time!

~Siobhan~

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