Taking a Break

Last month was very hard for me, I went through so many emotions in the span of those 4 weeks that it exhausted me. I was upset all the time, I was frustrated that the treatment wasn't working and I was just plain tired. The uncertainty would keep me awake at night, and having 2 or 3 appointments a week didn't help either. And so my husband and I talked about it, and we decided that if we didn't get pregnant this cycle then we would take a break.

Well sadly it didn't happen last month so here I am trying to regroup and figure out our next steps. I want to have a kid but at what expense? I don't want to be depressed for the foreseeable future and I don't want the stress that these treatments cause. So I am taking a break. I am lucky that my family doctor prescribed me the ovulation medication I was on at the fertility clinic, so at least I know taking a break from the appointments wont effect my body like I was worried about. And I have to say that not having to worry about appointments, ultrasounds etc. is so relieving. I don't have to get up an hour earlier than I should just so I can get to the clinic and be at work as fast as I can. I don't have to worry about what the doctors are going to say, and if it is good news or bad news. There is no news and honestly I am so happy for the break. Hearing that the meds aren't working like their supposed to, hearing that you need to come back every other day to make sure we know when you're ovulating is exhausting.

I hope this break recharges me, I hope it allows me to remember that my dreams are not so far away, I hope it makes me believe that what I want is possible. And above all I hope that it allows me to see myself outside of the treatment and the failure I have felt over the past 4 months.

I need to believe again, and I hope this is the right path to get there.

~Siobhan~

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